Adjusting to Life after a Codependent Relationship
If you have recently gotten out of a codependent relationship, the world may seem quite different now. You were used to spending most of your time, energy, and effort around one person. Now you can turn all that attention to yourself. The transition will be difficult at times, but you can get through it. Here are some tips for life adjustments after codependency.
Discover Your Own Likes and Dislikes
No matter how long you were in a codependent relationship, chances are you adjusted some of your tastes and hobbies to suit your partner. This fresh start gives you a chance to see what your likes and dislikes are. In the movie Runaway Bride, the main character changed how she liked her eggs cooked to fit each of her relationships – “I’ll have what he’s having.” It was only when someone asked her opinion, and only her opinion, that she took the time to find out how she liked her eggs cooked. It’s time for you to do the same.
Do Not Find Someone to “Fill the Void”
Codependency is also called relationship addiction, and for good reason. In this setup, you do become ‘addicted’ to the other person’s presence. As with any addiction, you run the risk of relapsing after the relationship is over. You may not want to be with the other person anymore, but you may seek comfort in other people. You could also turn your codependency to friends and family members. You can use them for a support system, but you should not cling to them like you did your former partner. You need to find comfort in yourself – fill your own void.
Enjoy Your New Normal
Every life adjustment is hard, but think of all the ones you’ve gotten through so far. You’ve changed jobs, moved, gone to school, dropped out of school, had children, lost loved ones, etc. It was hard to turn the page on each new chapter, but you did it. Then you discovered just how amazing the next chapter would be.
You have a new normal now. It’s not the life you used to lead, but it is your life. Make the most of every opportunity you have. Build your self-esteem, boost your confidence, and embrace how wonderful you are. If you need to work through issues with depression or anxiety, talk to a therapist. As you improve your mental health, you will be better prepared to enter a relationship in the future, and you will be less likely to fall into codependency again.