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Questions and Answers
About Therapy
By John Phelan,
M.S.W., C.S.W.
What is therapy?
Therapy is designed to help people
build skills and solve problems in living by making changes in thoughts, feelings and/or
behaviors. The therapist is a guide who helps people build needed skills and learn how to
solve problems that have resisted other efforts.
What kind of people use therapy?
All kinds. Everyone faces problems
throughout their lives. Contrary to popular belief, no one easily solves all their
problems. Today, it is even harder because we live in such a complex and demanding
society. It is common now to be faced with problems we have had no chance to prepare for
and never expected. When that happens, our coping skills can get overwhelmed, leading to
"symptoms" of distress in various forms. Examples include:
- Feeling deeply discouraged and defeated
- Doing poorly on the job and at school
- having problems getting along with people you care
about
- Getting anxious about the wrong things
- Getting too anxious about the right things
- Doing things that we do not understand
- Having habits that hurt us
In fact, there are as many signals
of overwhelmed coping skills as there are people. Regardless of the nature of the symptoms
that lead someone to call, I have always found that these symptoms were a way people have
tried to solve normal human problems.
Some people have misgivings about
therapy. They believe it is for the seriously disturbed only. It is true that many
therapeautic techniques were developed in response to people who were having severe
problems. Today, however, these techniques are helpful to anyone struggling with problems
that are not responding to other efforts.
What are the goals of therapy?
The connection between
"symptoms" and the underlying problem is often unclear. One therapy goal is to
figure out what problem(s) the symptom is an attempt to solve. Symptoms that lead people
to seek therapy are ineffective ways of dealing with the problem. They are usually quite
painful. Another therapy goal is to find better problem- solving strategies.
How does therapy work?
Therapy involves thinking and
talking about one’s life and problems. We pay attention to feelings that arise both
in and outside this office. The effects of your behavior on yourself, others and
situations are considered. Sometimes we look into the past and sometimes we stick to the
present.
Sometimes people come to therapy
hoping for a quick answer. While this is understandable, it rarely happens. Few people go
to the trouble and expense of therapy without having tried hard to solve the problem on
their own.
Some people wait for the therapist
to solve the problem. This approach guarantees disappointment. Therapy is hard work. While
there are times I ask people to try out new ideas or new behaviors, answers to the
problems will be a result of our mutual exploration and effort.
There are ways you can increase the
benefit of our work:
- Push yourself to talk about the things you find
hardest to discuss. What you want to discuss least is probably what we need to discuss the
most. The sooner we get to them, the faster we finish. Issues "kept in the
closet" tend to grow in the dark. Bringing them out into the light of day is a big
step in making them manageable.
- Honesty with me and yourself is essential. Being
dishonest in therapy is like asking a C.P.A. to do your taxes without letting them see
your financial records. Honesty means, in part, talking with me concerning your thoughts
and feelings about the therapy process itself.
- Do task assignments made within the therapy
sessions. Changing one’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors requires practice "in
the real world", not just in the consulting room.
Is therapy effective?
Research shows that therapy is
helpful to most people willing to invest the required effort. Sometimes, however, it is
not. This can be for several reasons:
- Poor rapport between you and your therapist. If
after a few sessions you do not feel comfortable, please discuss this with me. We will try
to work it out. If we can’t, I will help you find someone better suited to you.
- There may be a poor fit between the therapeutic
method selected and your problem or personality. If you feel this may be the case in our
work, please say so.
- Some problems are not amenable to the kinds of
therapy I provide, (thought this may not be apparent at first).
- There are some problems in living that are not
changeable in therapy.
Therapy can be painful at times as
issues long hidden, are raised. This pain should not be endured for its own sake but only
in service of your therapeutic goals. It is unrealistic to expect to feel better after
each sessions. There may be times when you may leave feeling somewhat upset or anxious. If
this happens regularly, however, please tell me.
Finally, the limits of one’s
financial resources can lead to frustration in therapy. While in therapy, one may identify
additional goals beyond those leading to the initial consultation, yet finances may
preclude continuing in therapy to meet those goals.
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